Another marathon website visit; primitive hunting

11:22 PM 4/23/11

I did one of those marathan web page stalking sessions again. I collected some photos, but I didn't find the particular one I was looking for, the 'Shawshank Redemption' pose, the one I mentioned several weeks ago (I didn't call it that at the time when I wrote it). I said he was embracing the sky.

I also looked at his wife's old blogs too, the ones she's not using anymore. I would describe them both as 'blissfully ignorant.' They are enjoying their lives in an enviable way, but are worrying about nonexistent threats, while ignoring the real dangers to society. There really are terrible things threatening society, and peak oil is not one of them. However, he will be 100 years old and will still be claiming that we are just about to run out of oil, any day now, any second now it's gonna happen, I swear.

My internet connection won't be up much longer. I think it will still be several weeks, though. I got the bill, and it had the dates on it, and I forget what it said, but I got the impression that it was for sometime in May. So I won't be able to easily and conveniently stalk him on his websites or talk to him in the forum and cause him stress and irritation there as well as I can right now.

It's frustrating not being able to find intelligent duals. The lack of ectomorphs is a problem, too. I'm not the least bit attracted to muscular men or 'thick' stocky men or mesomorphs. Mainstream society claims that big muscles are better, but meanwhile, where's an ectomorph when you need one? They are all snatched up right away, while the mesomorphs end up on dating websites unable to find anyone.

Tonight it is warm enough that I will try once again to throw away a couple of things that I wanted to throw in the dumpster last week when it got rainy and icy cold and I wasn't willing to do it. It is still nowhere near as warm as I want it to be.

For several years, I've wanted to learn how to hunt using primitive weapons. I don't want to use a gun. I was reminded of all this while looking at Rick's hiking photos. When I think about self-reliance I remember my desire to hunt. I don't want to use guns for several reasons. One, they are too loud, and my ears are already slightly damaged, long story, just the left one, so I don't want to damage them anymore. I am sure guns cause hearing damage. Not only are they too loud up close, they are also too loud when you are trying to be secretive. When you shoot a gun, the whole world for miles around knows that you have shot a gun. You can't hide the fact that you are sneaking around on somebody's land shooting a gun. But people aren't likely to hear you shooting a bow and arrow - they might hear something, but nothing as loud as a gun. It's not just bows and arrows that I'm interested in. I like all primitive weapons. There are some websites where people have made primitive weapons themselves, such as atlatls and boomerangs.

Not only that, but guns and bullets are made of metal. Sometimes the bullets are made of lead, sometimes copper, and I don't know what else. Anything made of lead is going to poison you when it merely touches your skin, so you will get poisoned just by handling the bullets. Then they go into the animal and you are eating the meat. That's actually probably less lead exposure than you get from simply touching the bullets.

I love obsidian blades - a nonmetallic knife. Anything that's not made of metal is interesting to me. If someone is interested in self-reliance during the collapse of society, then they want to know about how to make things using local materials. So I'm interested in blades made of stone and obsidian. That won't be necessary, but it's one of those things we like to do anyway, for the challenge of it. We will still be able to obtain metal. I just like to *feel* self-reliant.

I think I'm thinking about this because I'm really hungry.

I have to find a writer. He has to be either unmarried, or polygamous. He has to be able to tolerate or enjoy everything about me. If he isn't skinny, I will find his body to be unattractive, but I might possibly surrender at the very last minute if I haven't found anybody and I'm in the middle of menopause and haven't had any children yet and a mesomorph is the only man I can find. It's just that I can't force myself to be attracted to someone when I, for whatever reasons, always have ho-hum, lukewarm feelings for them. I'm not just 'being too picky.' It's a sincere, genuine lack of attraction to medium-sized men. I need to find someone with a higher than average IQ, and it might have to be pretty high, I don't know. I only know that I don't get much of a connection with most of the duals I have talked to, and I feel as though something is missing. Resonant belief systems: now that I have seen Rick, I have an idea what to look for, because he has almost identical 'belief clusters' to the ones that I have and the ones I am looking for - intentional communities, self-reliance, etc. I will recognize him more easily because of Rick.

Looking at Kim's blogs sort of made me dislike myself, in a way. Her blogs were almost unbearably boring to read. I know mine are too.

Off the net soon. In a bit, they'll be sending me warning letters to tell me that I haven't paid my bill.