still connected to the person who I can't see in the real world

3:40 PM 3/23/11

It's odd, I always said that I felt like I belonged in Hufflepuff House (in Harry Potter). Then I was looking at Jo Rowling's website and saw that Helga Hufflepuff had made a lot of cooking-related spells. This fits in with the theme of SLI, cooking, and RDL and his wife.

I was thinking again about the 'internet stalker' problem and what I am going to do about it. If I have any drug reactions then I am going to get the urges to do bizarre things, and RDL has been my email target some of the time, and also my comments on his blog. I am Adoring Fan #5,723 out of all the rest of his adoring fans. He is answering a lot of emails and comments and also doing other stuff, like studying for a master's degree in geography or something like that.

Sooner or later it seems like he will have to close the door on freely receiving 'fan letters' and responding to them personally. There will either be too many fan letters or else too many creepy stalkers like me who get attached to him and want to write letters that are too intimate or assume too close of a relationship. He will have to take away the email addresses that say 'Write to me!' on his blogs and web pages and various sites. He might even have to close down comments on his blogs or refuse to allow anonymous people to comment if he has to block my email address and block my attempts to write anonymously.

I am just trying to think of what he would do and how he would do it if he needed to block me from communicating with him. I don't know if he already has a plan for how to handle that kind of thing.

There really is an 'adoring fan' phenomenon going on. I have seen lots of other blog commenters being all excited and happy because he finally posted a new blog after months of saying nothing, and that kind of thing. There are people out there who feel attached to him. I am just one of those people.

My feelings for him are interfering with my attempts to bond with real people that I can actually meet in the real world. I had a couple emails back and forth with the Indigo guy and then immediately went and looked at RDL's website again because I did not like being away from him and talking to someone else. So he is this fantasy person who seems better than real people to me, but meanwhile, I am Adoring Fan #Whatever. And he is just running around living his real life in the real world, doing his work and hardly ever using the internet, with no clue that Adoring Fan #Whatever could start flooding him with inappropriate emails at any random moment if something sets her off or if she has a mood swing or a drug reaction. He DOESN'T KNOW that this is going on. This is the thing that 'they' always do, every single time: 'they' try to convince me that he's reading my blog, and that kind of thing, and that he knows about it and sees all of it. That is not true.