The grey sweatshirt and the parasites. Mania suddenly vanishes today, by accident. I was wrong about what was triggering it.

2:10 AM 4/14/11

I won't be able to write this myself, because I can feel myself fighting with 'them' as I try to speak.

The mania changed totally today. I went almost completely back to normal. I was surprised because I hadn't thought I had done anything to change what I thought was triggering the mania. I thought it was something on my McDonald's hat which I had dropped on the floor.

But the mania almost totally went away today, and I noticed two things which might have caused it to go away:

1. I didn't wear the gray sweatshirt today.
2. I ate jalapeno peppers.

Here is the story. The grey sweatshirt was from Goodwill. I don't remember having any reactions to it. However, someone at work borrowed it, which annoyed me but I said yes - she is somebody who I had thought was an LSE, but 'they' said no, she is an SLE, which explains why she blindly follows and enforces unimportant rules at times when they are not applicable, and other times, physically pushes people around and bosses people around and threatens them in a way that annoys almost everyone.

Borrowing my sweatshirt was just another way of violating my physical space, as I don't like to lend people my things, and it was pointless too, as there were plenty of other McDonald's coats that she could wear, so why should she have to borrow my sweatshirt?

And if I have a drink that I've brought back into the grill area, she very frequently tries to take a drink from the same cup that I am drinking from, even though I vehemently warned her several times that she can catch cold sores from me, and there is no cure for them, and she will have them for the rest of her life, and even so, she will still always try to grab the cup out of my hand and take a drink from it on the same straw that I was drinking from. In other words very annoying to almost everyone.

And she is on lots and lots of drugs, and I don't know how many of them are recreational drugs, and how many of them are prescription drugs.

So she merely borrowed my sweatshirt for a few minutes to take the trash outside. I reluctantly said yes, she could borrow it. And I warned her, again, that I had bought this sweatshirt from the cheap $0.29 rack, and the sweatshirt was so tiny, *I* could barely fit it over MY arms, and I am very small, and she is heavier than I am, so she could barely squeeze her arms into the sleeves, and so this was ridiculous and pointless when she could have just used one of the bigger coats which were all over the place. But she was bound and determined that, come hell or high water, she was GOING to WEAR MY SWEATSHIRT.

Who knows. Maybe it's because she's dieting. She told me today that she wants to get down to 120 pounds. I was not happy to hear this and I told her so, as I said, I myself normally weigh about 130 pounds, and I am shorter than she is. She insisted that no, she was shorter than I was, even though this was obviously not true, and she came up in front of me and stood there and her eyes were clearly and obviously looking down at me from an angle, while she insisted she was shorter. I am also skinnier than usual, and she said I looked like I was about 110 pounds, and okay, I don't have the scale in the house right now, but I almost never go below 120 pounds. I am skinnier than usual because an unknown something has been making me *SO PHYSICALLY SICK* that I am incapable of eating, and I have been unable to eat more than a few bites of food for weeks and weeks and weeks now, even though I am desperately hungry and I really, really, really want to eat.

It seemed to be connected to visiting Chris and getting that horrible, horrible reaction to his benzodiazepine residues, and I kept having the reaction again and again for several days, too, every time I got in my car and touched the steering wheel. I had to wipe the steering wheel a bunch of times.

It also might have been connected to taking walks at Fisherman's Paradise, and that is where the jalapeno peppers come in. (Don't you love how the whole story fits together?) I know from the duckpond where I used to live that if you walk along the edge of the water, the microscopic parasites will crawl up your legs, burrow into the skin, travel through your bloodstream, and then develop inside your intestines. You don't need to swallow anything in order for this to happen. The duckpond is filled with thousands of snails, a parasite vector.

I got the worst parasites ever after the time when I allowed the muscovy duck to crawl up into my lap. Touching and handling the duck gave me whatever parasites he had. He was doing that for a few weeks and I allowed him to. The landlord eventually gave him away to somebody else because he was attacking people.

After noticing this phenomenon, I learned that I only need to eat very hot peppers and the parasites go away. I can actually feel them crawling and biting inside me sometimes when I have them badly. If I eat jalapeno peppers the parasites go away. This is a folk cure and I use it every time I feel like parasites are bothering me.

So I had also wondered if I had picked up parasites by walking at Fisherman's Paradise. (I jokingly call it 'Fisherman's Parasites.') That might have explained why I have been so sick and hungry but unable to eat anything, for weeks and weeks now, so that I've lost a lot of weight and I am much skinnier than usual. I don't want people envying me for being skinny when I am skinny because I 1. have parasites or 2. am having a severe reaction to a drug residue exposure. I *WANT* to eat more than I am eating, and I *WANT* to weigh more than I weigh right now. So of course it annoys me when this girl at work tells me that her goal is to weigh even less than I do, as though I am proud of being sick and underweight.

I'm pretty sure that my lack of mania today was caused by not wearing the sweatshirt. I might also have been going crazy because of the intestinal parasites, if I did have any, as I have read many websites that claim that mental illness symptoms can be caused or worsened by parasites. I don't know which one it was. I'm betting on the sweatshirt. Parasites never made me go crazy before. I've had many suspected parasite infestations and I never went as crazy as I have been the past few weeks. The most that they ever do to me is make me sick at my stomach when I try to eat.

I don't know if the sweatshirt was contaminated because the girl at work wore it, or whether it was contaminated when I got it at Goodwill, or from somewhere else. If I put it on again, and go crazy again, then I will know, but I am simply not going to put it on. I'm sure enough that's what it is, that I don't want to waste time testing it.

The other thing is that water leaked into the bottom of the car AGAIN. It is because of the crushed area back where the bumper is, which I have been unable to fix, long story, don't feel like telling it. My car will fail inspection, and that is going to happen in a very short time, as in, several weeks from now. I will either drive it without an inspection sticker - not likely, not a good idea, as there are certain places where the police always harassed me when I've had expired stickers - and I won't get lucky like I did last time when I went about two years with an expired inspection sticker because it said the numbers "10 08" without explaining which one of those numbers was the month, and which one was the year, and the numbers were in strange positions - so that the police officers pulled me over two separate times, looked directly at the inspection sticker, read the numbers, and accepted it as valid, even though it was expired. They were mistakenly believing it meant that the inspection was due on August 2010 instead of October 2008.

Anyway..... I haven't had the money to fix the bumper because I lost my second job at the exact same time period when I was getting the insurance money for the car, and I spent the insurance money on my apartment rent instead. Argh... So now, water is leaking in through the damaged area, and it's pooling under my feet in the driver's side. I never finished my sentence. I will either drive it without a valid sticker, and get caught probably, or else I will start taking the bus to work. And this is going to be a huge disaster for me because of the way that I am buying fast food instead of buying real food, and I have to go out on impulse every time I need food.

Anyway if water leaks into the floor of the car, I am very likely to get it in my shoes and react to the drug residues, and also, when it vaporizes into the air, it may possibly carry drug residues with it, though I don't know for sure how that would happen - maybe it would dissolve them out of the fabric of the carpet, and... I can't explain why they would be able to evaporate while wet, but not while dry. If they were volatile, they would evaporate whenever they wanted. hahaha. ('Whenever they wanted' was not my own phrase. Somebody else said that.)

People would wonder if 'they' were simply making me go crazy for the past few days. It's theoretically possible, but I usually assume that I am going crazy because of things that I myself have observed that I have control over. It's almost always from the drug residues. They make me feel really messed up for hours and hours and hours.

Everyone in the forum is going to think that I am going crazy because I actually USE drugs, because I wrote a comment on one of the threads where I told about all the horrible things that happen to you if you take prescription psychiatric drugs. It's too long of a story to explain to them that I am not using drugs, and that I am reacting to something that goes through my skin. This information is extremely important and helpful to know, and yet, it requires such a long explanation, including the story of how I learned about this phenomenon in the first place, and also, I have never seen anybody else on the internet talking about drug residues the way I do.

Technically, there are web pages talking about this, because you are able to look up research about transdermal routes of absorption for drugs. However, those websites always make it sound as though you have to try REALLY, REALLY HARD to painstakingly craft a molecule that will be capable of doing this. They are always talking about how they have to design custom-made transdermal drug delivery systems, and they wonder how to control the dosage, giving you not too much and not too little, and how to make sure that the drug actually does go through the skin, as though it's actually DIFFICULT to force drugs to go through the skin. Maybe they are accustomed to dealing with drugs that are salts. I am accustomed to dealing with herbal oils. Their solubility is nonpolar. (Nonpolar? Can't recall the word for sure.)

I knew someone who tried the nicotine patch. He said that it gave him SO MUCH NICOTINE that he was sick at his stomach. It was actually MORE nicotine than he got from smoking!!! I agree with that, that is exactly the kind of thing I experienced from handling and growing the baby tobacco plants, which, thankfully, died, because I had accidentally planted them in soil that had come from underneath the walnut trees, and the soil contained juglone poison. So my tobacco sprouts never grew large enough to make much contamination. But still, tobacco residue is one of the many things that I am still reacting to, and I can easily believe that the nicotine patch would give you much, much more nicotine than cigarettes would.

Anyway, I have never seen any other website where anyone talked in as much detail as I have, with the perspective that I have, about transdermal routes of entry for various drugs. I have also never seen anybody else talk about secondhand drugs from other prescription drug users. After noticing the transdermal absorption from the herbal oils, I also began to notice it when I touched the skin of people who used prescription drugs. Their skin oils and sweat excrete their waste products including partially broken-down drug molecules. When I touch them, the drug molecules go through my skin, and I have a reaction. It happens if I wear a drug user's clothing, or sit in seats where they've been sitting, and it happens if I give someone a hug. I was deathly ill after hugging Chris on that one day when he visited me for the first (and so far, only) time (and I don't really want to do it again, but I have to give him back his book and the crystal).

I don't know why it is that I am the only person on Google who is describing in detail the observations about what happens when you touch minute quantities of drug residues and they go through your skin. I can actually feel the tickling sensation when it's on my skin. I don't listen to anyone if they tell me that it ought to be physically impossible for me to feel these things - there was an incident at a place where I worked, years ago, where there were five or six people in the room, and I noticed that one particular computer screen was flickering at high speed, and this one other girl was able to see the flicker too, but all of the other people in the room were unable to see the computer screen flickering. The frequency of the flicker was too fast for their eyes to see it, but two of us were able to see it. I don't believe people if they tell me that I ought to be unable to sense something.

They also often believe that I'm misinterpreting the cause of whatever I'm sensing. Maybe I might get them to agree that yes, I actually do feel some kind of sensation on my skin, or whatever... but then they will say that I am hallucinating that, or else that something else is causing it other than what I claim is causing it.

I *DO* make mistakes, and I have made many mistakes in the past. But I get reliable results when I troubleshoot using these assumptions that I have developed over the past few years of experience.

The only thing you can find commonly written about transdermal drug absorption is stuff about LSD. Lots of people know that LSD can go through your skin, but they don't know that huge numbers of other drugs can too. And even FEWER people, as in zero, on the net, know that you can get secondhand drugs from the skin oils of drug users. If anyone happens to stumble across somebody else who is talking about this phenomenon, then, by all means, let me know.

It's possible that some entirely different cause was triggering my mania, something I have no control over, and I can't know what that cause would be.

Sometime in the next few days, I will have to go try again to continue a conversation I was having in the forum, except that my behavior and writing style will now be completely different. And as always, I am going to look at things I've written, and say, oh my god, I can't believe I wrote that. But I allow them to stay where they are, those things I have said.